granted, considering all things well.

I have found my heart, and its in you. Honest it is. It seems that the passing days have awakened something new in me, and at the same time revived old things. I feel alive to world that needs someone to outstretch a hand; that is willing to help the need rather then just seeing it. I want to have my body broken and my blood poured out so to speak. 

The fountain of youth has stopped flowing

I tried to teleport the other day. It didn't work.

I think its time

Okay, can I just say that I am tired of seeing christians raising there voices to an already loud roar involving politics, and the issues revolving around the like of this. I find myself being asked to vote for two men that stand for all these different issues, and trying to pick the best one we feel is right, then after doing so, trying to prove to others why they are wrong for their choice. We tell one another to be mindful and watch out for the other, because of their past, when we are clearly taught to hold no account of the wrong they have done in their past, and that we are not to judge. We were giving the command to love one another, give to the broken, hurt, and dying people in this world. Ultimately, to be the body that God needs to show the world what he is like. It seems, that the candidates and the issues they stand on, divide us as a body. They cause anger and bitterness when disagreed with about who is right. I just can't see where the unity is. I think if we choose to do the things Christ instructed us to, we would see a broken world being healed.

" On the news are sound bites from a speech by the president of the United States. He's on deck of an aircraft carrier, proclaiming victory in a recent military effort. Not only was the mission accomplished, according to the leader of the world's only superpower, but American forces are now occupying this Middle Eastern country until peace can be fully realized within its borders.

This puts a Christian in an awkward place.

Because Jesus was a Middle Eastern man who lived in an occupied country and was killed by the superpower of his day. The Roman Empire, which put Jesus on an execution stake, insisted that it was bringing peace to the world through its massive military might, and anybody who didn't see it this way just might be put on a cross. Emperor Caesar, who ruled the Roman Empire, was considered the " Son of God," the "Prince of Peace," and one of his propaganda slogans was "peace through victory." The insistence of the first Christians was that through the resurrected Jesus Christ, God made peace with the world. Not through weapons of war but through a naked, bleeding man hanging dead on an execution stake. A Roman execution stake. Another of Caesar's favorite propaganda slogans was "Caesar Is Lord." The first Christians often said" Jesus is Lord." For them, Jesus was another way, a better way, a way that made the world better through sacrificial love, not coercive violence.

So when the commander in chief of the most powerful armed forces humanity has ever seen quotes the prophet Isaiah from the Bible in celebration of military victory, we must ask, is this what Isaiah had in mind?

A christian should get nervous when the flag and the Bible start holding hands. This is not romance we want to encourage. 

And the Urprache continues to echo within each one of us, telling us that things aren't right, that we're up against something very old,

and very deep,

and very wide, 

and very, very powerful.

For a growing number of people in our world, it appears that many Christians support some of the very things Jesus came to set people free from."

"Jesus Wants to Save Christians"

            Rob Bell and Don Golden

Rain down

Good morning, I hope you slept well. When I was first got my license, and a long time after that, I would always get scared on the way home at night. I would always feel like these demons and Satan were there, and I would be absolutely terrified, to the point of keeping my car light on the whole way. I haven't gotten those thoughts in a long time, simply because when i look around me, seeing God in every blade of grass, drop of rain, cool breeze, and sun set. I see God in everything, and as he appeared to Moses as I AM, he does also to me in likeness. He is pure existence, in everything that we see and hear, and fully loving and caring of my needs despite how I so often run from him, rather then towards him. I say all this to share with you all, but at the same time to say I will be like my God. I will stand in the midst of the chaos going on in my life, with nothing but grace and love to give. I don't want to give up or become bitter and angry. I can't because I care to much. I've tried giving up, I can't do it. I just want to say I love you. I truly do, with all that I have. 

I'm sorry

First, let me start off by saying this may be the most memorable post, at least to me. These past couple of days, I have been dealing with so much stuff. I honestly just want it to go away. For the past year I have felt pain and brokenness, and this time, it's no different. I really wish I could let myself say all the things I want, but i've done that to much anyway. It just seems like those things, along with my actions weren't good enough. I just don't feel like I was. I've tried every way possible of getting past the wall, but nothing worked. I am glad someone did though. Its good to finally see you happy again, even if I couldn't do it myself. Thats all I ever wanted anyway. This is becoming much to hard to write, so I am going to just stop here, if thats okay. I'm sorry, but this will be my last time writing on blogspot. Good night and I hope you sleep well.

A more honest attempt

To be completely honest, take one. I don't want to hide behind mask, fear, or insecurities. I know that deep down in me, there is a brokenness. It was caused from dishonesty, deceit, and manipulation. I have tried to cover it up, and bury it deep down inside of me, and I apologize for doing so. I apologize for the distant stares, I would give until words broke the barrier, and I came back to reality. I don't want to be dishonest, deceitful, or manipulative. I guess what I am trying to say is, I just want my heart to be known. Because, as I take one painfully beautiful step after another toward healing, I only want my actions and words to be of hope, redemption, meekness, compassion, truth, patience, and love. I know its not always easy to do, but it is the most beautiful. If I keep the deepest longings of my heart concealed, then recessive steps into brokenness becomes my path. I have been down that path, and I don't like it. Jesus shows me that it's okay to love without measure, even if the odds are, it's not reciprocal. It's not about what you get in return, but what you give. I have given it my all, and thats all I can ask for.

hymn of the sea

As I walked across the road from the church, I looked through a dense patch of woods, to see a gulf of fire illuminating against the night sky. Sadly enough it was accompanied by the flashing of fire trucks and police cars a like. It was much bigger then it appeared at first glance, It was the burning down of a nearby house, and to be completely honest it was kind of exciting at first. Caleb and myself began to walk down the road to get a better look at a scene that would move me deeply moments later. I am sitting on a couch right now listening to a song that was written for a movie that ends in tragedy, and tonight I had a small glimpse into that tragedy. The excitement of the fire lasted about as long as it took me to see a family crying, because of a house they spent many years in, burn to the ground in a matter of minutes. I can't tell you how much i wanted to wrap my arms around them, with compassion and love, and tell them it would be okay. You notice in moments like these, the vulnerabilities we have deep within us, you can see it with each tear that rolls down the faces of those affected, and looks of sympathy shown on the face, of those that get to share in the series of unfortunate events. I understand that they will never see this, but I really want them to know how deeply sorry I am. I want them to see the good God that stands fully present in the midst of the tragedy, with sympathy and tears in his face, because he feels the brokenness you do, of your lose.I want so badly to stop it all, and I'm sorry I couldn't. May grace and peace abound to you even more tonight.