A more honest attempt

To be completely honest, take one. I don't want to hide behind mask, fear, or insecurities. I know that deep down in me, there is a brokenness. It was caused from dishonesty, deceit, and manipulation. I have tried to cover it up, and bury it deep down inside of me, and I apologize for doing so. I apologize for the distant stares, I would give until words broke the barrier, and I came back to reality. I don't want to be dishonest, deceitful, or manipulative. I guess what I am trying to say is, I just want my heart to be known. Because, as I take one painfully beautiful step after another toward healing, I only want my actions and words to be of hope, redemption, meekness, compassion, truth, patience, and love. I know its not always easy to do, but it is the most beautiful. If I keep the deepest longings of my heart concealed, then recessive steps into brokenness becomes my path. I have been down that path, and I don't like it. Jesus shows me that it's okay to love without measure, even if the odds are, it's not reciprocal. It's not about what you get in return, but what you give. I have given it my all, and thats all I can ask for.

hymn of the sea

As I walked across the road from the church, I looked through a dense patch of woods, to see a gulf of fire illuminating against the night sky. Sadly enough it was accompanied by the flashing of fire trucks and police cars a like. It was much bigger then it appeared at first glance, It was the burning down of a nearby house, and to be completely honest it was kind of exciting at first. Caleb and myself began to walk down the road to get a better look at a scene that would move me deeply moments later. I am sitting on a couch right now listening to a song that was written for a movie that ends in tragedy, and tonight I had a small glimpse into that tragedy. The excitement of the fire lasted about as long as it took me to see a family crying, because of a house they spent many years in, burn to the ground in a matter of minutes. I can't tell you how much i wanted to wrap my arms around them, with compassion and love, and tell them it would be okay. You notice in moments like these, the vulnerabilities we have deep within us, you can see it with each tear that rolls down the faces of those affected, and looks of sympathy shown on the face, of those that get to share in the series of unfortunate events. I understand that they will never see this, but I really want them to know how deeply sorry I am. I want them to see the good God that stands fully present in the midst of the tragedy, with sympathy and tears in his face, because he feels the brokenness you do, of your lose.I want so badly to stop it all, and I'm sorry I couldn't. May grace and peace abound to you even more tonight.

Great Harvest

So, as I sit at the kitchen table, I feel super accomplished about setting up this blog. It was rather difficult figuring out everything, but I was successful. I wanted this first post to be meaningful, with words full of wisdom, and pointing to a more grandeur picture of life, but have been sided tracked  looking for jobs and places to live for Caleb and myself. It's going really well and soon we will be moving in the next couple of weeks to Fernandina. As i start to see an aerial view of my life, it amazes me how good of an artist God is with my life. I know this may sound slightly cheesy, as it's a somewhat typical statement. The other day I had this huge urge to get some plain white v necks  (neckers) to dye, and so I did. They came out looking way better then I imagined. That is kind of how I see the painting God is painting of my life. I knew it would be sweet, considering who he is, but i find things are done more beautifully, when there is a great love for the thing, thats being painted on. You put much effort into small details and spend much time on it, so it will move deeply inside all who see it.To sum it all up, I love life and I love drinking sweet tea out of mason jars.